I've been a counselor for over a decade. In marriage counseling sessions as well as life planning and career coaching sessions I continue to hear the same complaints about unsatisfied lives and meaningless careers.
Too many people hate their jobs...not because of the work they do...but because of the people, they do it with or for. Nagging, pushing, manipulation, drama, trauma, and emotional upheaval are behavior that manifest negative energy within the workplace.
Many times stress, family drama, relationship issues at home, weak interpersonal skills due to unresolved trauma and self esteem issues cause disharmony at work and as a result people feel unenergized, unmotivated, and unappreciated.
As a business owner and wellness service provider, I am very clear about my team talents, skills, and unique approach to work task within both my companies, Spiced Life Conversation, LLC art wellness studio and botanic and Sage by spiced life conversation, LLC luxury concierge organization, commercial cleaning, mobile notary and loan signing services boutique.
I have a nonnegotiable policy to uphold a certain standard of professionalism meaning no drama or negativity within the workplace. The ability to learn and develop stable emotions, clear focus mindset, professionalism, and strong work ethics are skills I believe one must commit to developing in order to work for my organization. I can't speak for other business owners but I can speak my own truth. As a counselor I've seen the lack of belief in one self that people struggle with on a daily basis, I've also been on that journey of self love of remembering who I am and what I can become. With that said, each day as a female business owner I strive to encourage others to have faith and strong belief in their potential. You may not believe in yourself or what you are capable of becoming, but I do. For that purpose professional development and a growth mindset is part of our culture.
I believe encouraging professional strong work ethics, physical, mental and emotional wellness within the organization is a perfect solution to ensure productive and less absence to create a healthier culture where your processes, operating procedures, website, sales, customers and staff can all maintain a positive mindset and happy environment.
Therefore, when you feel like you're spinning your wheels, slow down and notice your emotions. Record in a journal how you are feeling in that moment. By understanding your internal conflict being at odds with the parts of you that seem conflicted, such as negative thoughts, feeling afraid, feeling disappointed, feeling anxious, or choosing to align with limited beliefs, taking other people opinions, mood, or behavior way to personal or accepting narrow viewpoints although deep inside you seek to evolve but feel stuck, these messages are coming from your soul trying to get your attention to tell you that something is out of alignment. By creating self-honoring and nurturing systems you will learn to create a feeling of productive, clarity and wellness.
Rebuilding Your Relationships
Learning to develop interpersonal skills and creating healthy positive relationships is all about mental and emotional clarity, financial, emotional and spiritual wellness, and acquiring healthy relationship and communication skills. These skills must be developed in order to become a better leader of your own life and within the workplace.
Two simple ideas to make this happen is...
A Willingness To Do The Work
Trauma from familial relationship cause angst, frustration, conflict, and worry, that is easily brought into the workplace. When stressed or burned out take time for yourself so you are able to show up in the office and at home 100%. When you have unresolved issues and lack energy you have absolutely nothing to give in your job or relationships. It is important to note that no matter how much inner work you do if you do not change your mindset or attitude and begin to apply a can do attitude, a it's possible attitude, a I'll try and never give up even when it is hard attitude, I have really improved on...I'll keep going attitude, I can learn how to forgive, accept criticism, do something different attitude then you will never evolve or change your situation. If one learns how to evolve from a place of love, compassion, and growth from a soul's perspective you will experience a more positive reality. Take time to resolve family drama so it doesn't affect your work life. Your energy contribute to how people show up the way they are. When you are anchor and living from your heart center recurring patterns of light is expressed because you are choosing to vibrate at a higher level. As a result you attract more positive people and relationships within your life.
A Willingness To Do A Self Audit
If your job is unsatisfying, maybe it's time to be honest with yourself and look for a better career with higher income in a a supportive environment. This way you can get back into alignment with your creative authentic self. As a result of following your own inner voice you will start manifesting inner peace, higher self worth, being appreciated, fulfilling healthy relationships, less drama, and start attracting more feel good experiences into your life.
Relationships and communication problems are directly related to our productivity and can be solved in a multitude of ways...without criticism, nagging, struggle, chaos, pain, or trauma. As you learn how to control your emotions, respond with compassion and love you will be better able to take full responsibility for your own pain, struggles in life and unhappiness. You can begin a journey of becoming more content, happy, confident, and communicate more clearly at work.
Most importantly you will be able to trust again, and be able to stand up for yourself in healthier ways in all your relationships with complete confidentiality, compassion, and nonjudgmental listening. This behavior will inspire others to heal and deal with stress in healthier ways that they too may unconsciously bring into the workplace that manifest as negative workplace politics. Accepting that it's okay to not be okay and deal with issues that could prevent a lot of unnecessary stress within the workplace is a win for everyone. The perfection is gone. The need to please is gone. The mask is no longer there to hide the soul, the pain, the experiences that others could help you get through. Pain and understanding that it's ok to be human is how we connect and relate to each other even within the workplace. Many people say their boss or manager doesn't understand. But what they really mean to say is that they think their boss or manager wouldn't understand. Let's be real have you discuss your situation with them and gave them a chance to support you? It's scary to open up. Some people may help while some may not. But you never know until you try. I guess my leadership skills are different because I'm a born Empath and has worked in the human service industry as a counselor for over a decade therefore I can relate to how wounded people feel. Therefore, it's easy for my employees to communicate with me. but the message here is soul's expansion. To build communication skills, relationships skills, and live up to your full potential no matter how afraid you are. Don't be defensive. Trust others and trust yourself. Most importantly speak your truth. You deserve to be heard. Not suppress your pain and feel stuck.
I hope this inspires business owner and wellness service provider to offer grief and wellness programs to help create a more positive workplace culture as many areas of life flows together and cause distress where it is not meant to be expressed. Dealing with unresolved issues in life can help prevent workplace conflicts, weak interpersonal skills, and negative work environments.
I work with people pleaser and emotional eaters in my private counseling and coaching practice. I've learned that most people pleaser struggle with putting themselves first while balancing work and life. Maybe it’s a difficult relationship. Or not knowing how to communicate how you’re feeling, especially when you’re not feeling good about something that was said or done. Issues and stress at work, having a hard time finding the right person to have a relationship with, not knowing how to say something to your loved ones or co-worker without it exploding into an upsetting situation, self confidence or esteem issues, financial worries, and this isn’t even the full list.
I GET IT.
So many people can’t figure out how to choose what brings them joy and ease, but are spectacular at bringing joy and ease to others. It’s even harder to figure out how to eliminate stress, pressure, anxiety or struggles and create harmony in life when trying to figure it out alone.
For years, I struggled with not honoring myself or my choices and with a binge eating disorder because I didn't understand how to acknowledge my own needs, feelings, or difficult emotions. I avoided conflict, confrontation as a office manger and just did whatever it took to ensure staff and the over the road truck drivers I manage would never get upset or dislike me. This was not real leadership nor was it being true to myself or my potential of developing my leadership skills. All I wanted to do was create harmony with all the people putting pressure on me. I wanted to be what they wanted me to be and do what they wanted me to do in my personal and my professional life.
Eventually, this took a toll on my mental, physical, and emotional health…
Then I realized that I was giving everything and everyone power to define my life and work.
Until…
I relapse and had to take a full year off to heal and recover. You see, my whole identity was associated with the trucking company I worked for and my private clients within my own private counseling practice. For so long I felt swallowed up in these relationships. When I was no longer there, I had to figure out who I was all over again. I had to learn how to trust and believe in myself again. I had to admit that I was having personal issues in my own life with becoming a trucker wife, the affects of being mom shamed five years prior, not dealing with childhood abandonment and neglect trauma and doing work I was never satisfied with as a marriage and family counselor.
When Things Finally Started to Change
It was only when I realized that everything and everyone in my life was responding to me and my choices, and not the other way around. I was showing people how to treat me, not the other way around. My low energy… thoughts, feelings, and actions were all giving them the message to take advantage of my generous, compassionate, kind, and collaborative nature, which are strong traits of people pleaser and peacemakers. I learned the hard way that many people including clients mastered using guilt to manipulate me into saying yes… and feel terrible if I said no. I learned later guilt was a major trigger for me.
I would do everything I could to be a “contribution” to them and their lives. I attracted people, experiences, and things into my life that supported my behavior and actions.
I focused my life on everything and everyone else. I chose jobs and work environments that were ultimately unhealthy for me, because I thought I was being a good counselor by helping all people. Anyone in pain. Anyone wounded. Anyone who needed me. I was there. It's very easy to help others solve their life problems while you are very blind to your own soul lessons. I distanced myself from clients and family thinking that would create something different in my life.
Then I had an insightful moment...What if I looked at my life, all that is in it, and all that I attracted from the viewpoint of Me Being the Chooser the Co-Creator?
I began learning about ‘the needs that drive my choices’. It was hard at first to dig deep to find them… but once I did… my whole world… and relationships shifted for the better.
And they stayed that way!
That’s when I finally saw things … and the people around me… start to change. First I slowed down enough to hear my own inner voice. Then, I stop making choices that was not in alignment with my own inner voice and intuition. I started to see that I was not broken and didn't need fixing. I was just using my gift of empath and people pleasing nature in the wrong way with all of the wrong people. I just had to learn how to honor myself as I served and interact with others. This was a major shift for me.
I hope that you too can have this shift in your own life. Because you deserve to have inner peace with yourself as well as your relationships. All it takes is a choice to slow down, feel the pain, release it, practice self care, and move forward every single day with a task that lights your heart on fire and allowing others to do the same. Mutual respect, compassion, self love, and unconditional love to all=Soul's Evolution!
To learn more about my spiritual and wellness counseling services please visit www.spicedlifeconversation.com